Angel

       It's another cloudy day in New Orleans! I came inside because it's raining, but I got to see a lot of people before the rain started, and I'm hoping it will clear up soon so I can go back out. But it has been a great day so far! I got to meet new people and see some familiar faces. One of the first guys I met today was James. He actually lost his job yesterday, so he doesn't know exactly where he wants to go from here. He's only been homeless for eight months and he tries to keep to himself most of the time. But he was happy to talk to me and we got to talk for a while. He talked about how God puts certain people in your life for a reason. I know that's true, I've met so many beautiful people on this trip who have taught me so much. Some of the most overlooked people have the most to share, and I've been so blessed that they've let me into their lives and have been willing to share their stories and their time with me. My life and my perspective has been so changed for the better by these people. The blessing they all are to me is overwhelming!

        Another guy I met today, Ricky, was giving me a lot of suggestions of where to find people. He told me about one spot where there are a lot of young teenage homeless who train-hop. I'm hoping I'll get to meet some of them before I leave, but just knowing that there are people out here younger than me is crazy. The range of homeless people is so wide. There are young and old, people who work and people who don't, people who have been homeless for years and people who just became homeless, people who are mentally ill and people who are mentally healthier than a lot of people in homes, people who cling to Jesus and people who don't even know who He is despite the fact that they get food or shelter in churches. There really isn't one box that they all fit into despite our prejudices. So many of them are so ready to love, and they totally come alive when they are shown love. They really are beautiful people and I'm so glad I get the gift of getting to know so many. 

This is Randy! He is SO beautiful inside and out and has such a sweet, gentle spirit. I met him the other day and I'm so glad our paths crossed again. I can't get across how sweet he is! He's definitely one who has captured my heart! If you look closely, you can see that the name on the jacket he's wearing says Angel. I think it's very fitting:)

He's kind of shy, so I didn't know if he would be okay with taking a picture, so before I asked, I snapped one of him from behind. I also thought his jacket was cool (if you can't read it, above the cross it says "Once for all"). But here's Randy hanging out!

New and familiar

      So far today I've gotten to see some new faces and some familiar faces. Yesterday when Amanda and I stopped to get lunch, I saw a guy who looked hungry ordering and he asked for the cheapest cup of ice he could have. So I went up to him and told him if he wanted some food, I would get it for him, and he did! He was really sweet and appreciative.
       Today, I went out to the area I've been going to and I was handing out sandwiches. I got to one bench and started approaching the person sitting there, and as I got closer, I realized it was Hector, the guy I bought lunch for yesterday! It was so good to see him again, I love seeing familiar faces! And it was cool to get to talk to him for a while and get to know him. He actually has only been homeless for six months. He was in the movie industry and his business stopped doing well, and that's how he's ended up on the streets. He's a musician and songwriter and actually went on tour with Rage Against the Machine in 1993 and worked merchandise for them, which is pretty cool. His good friend was in their opening band, and occasionally he got to play percussion with them! He talked about how he's been so many different places in his life, from living in penthouses to on the streets. It just goes to show nothing in this world is really secure. But Hector is so awesome because he's so positive and determined to not lose the battle in the streets!
This is Hector!

      I also got to see Vernon again and a bunch of new friends! I'm having a great time in New Orleans, and I'm meeting so many awesome, talented people! I'm so excited for this loop, and I'm grateful for the great start it's had:)

"If You want me, You can have me."

         It was another great day in New Orleans! It was a little rainy and overcast all day, so there weren't as many people out as usual, but there still were plenty. Today was fun because Amanda, a member of my host family, joined me! This was the first time I'd had anyone go with me! So it was different, but it was really fun, and I love that she wanted to join me!
        We started out in the same spot that I spent the most time at yesterday, but there was barely anyone there because of the rain. When we got to the end of a long walk way, we came across Kenneth! Kenneth was such a sweet blessing! When we offered him food and socks, he said, "Yes! I was just thinking how I need socks, God sent you to me!" We started talking to him, and asked if he had any friends around or knew where anyone would be, since we hadn't seen many people yet. He said yes and took us to a spot where some people were hanging out. So we went up with him and handed out sandwiches and talked with them. We met one lady named Parrish who is an awesome example of perseverance. She just moved into an apartment from living in a rescue mission, and she's working and doing well, which is so awesome to see! But she has been separated from her young son, so we got to pray with her because God loves restoring families. After we talked a while where they were hanging out, we took some of the guys back with me to my car so they could go through any of the stuff I had (like coats and blankets) and take what they needed.
        It was awesome, because as we were walking to my car, I started talking to one of the guys, Nathan, who said he was from Nashville. We started talking about the city and he brought up the Bridge Ministry, and I told him about how I went there when I was in Nashville. Then I asked if he had been to East Nashville Cooperative Ministry,  and he said yes! And we talked about The Contributor, which is the homeless newspaper in Nashville and he told me that he used to sell them. It was crazy to meet someone in New Orleans who was from Nashville and had been to all the places I worked at. He actually just got to New Orleans recently and wants to go back to Nashville soon, so I might see him again next time I go to Nashville!
        After the guys went through and got what they needed, most of them left, but Kenneth stayed a while and talked to us some more. Kenneth is so amazing! He told us some awesome stories about the way God has pursued him and provided for him. He talked about how he remembers being young, and saying to God, "If you want me, you can have me," and they've just grown together from there. He talked about how he was never really good with reading, but God's given him understanding for His word and has just revealed himself to Kenneth. The way God provides for Kenneth is awesome, and it's great to see how Kenneth credits that to God and not just coincidence. He talked about how as needs arise, God meets them. When he gets really hungry, he finds hot meals left out. When he starts to really need new clothes, he will find clothes in his size. Kenneth also loved talking about how powerful God's love is. And he's proof of that!
This is Jason, Mike, Nathan, and Kenneth!

       After we left that area, we handed out sandwiches to people staying under the interstate overpass. Going under the overpass was harder because most of the people there weren't doing well mentally. But God calls us to shine in the darkest of places, and I try to give those people all I can offer them. And really, the only thing I can give them that will last is Jesus. And He's what they really need. So I just pray that God will reveal Himself to these people through me and that Jesus will show His power and the true freedom that comes through Him to these people. And I trust that the Holy Spirit will grow any seeds that I plant in the hearts of these people. And I thank God for the way He longs to reveal Himself to us. 

        God is so good, and His children are so precious! It's amazing what He will show us and what He will do with our lives when, like Kenneth, we say to God, "You can have me." 

New Orleans!

       I'm in my first stop of my third loop: New Orleans! Leaving home this time was the hardest it's been! This is my longest loop so far, 3 months, and I was feeling overwhelmed with how much I would miss everyone before I even left. I had a lot of tearful goodbyes, and even the first minutes of my drive were full of tears. But as always, God is faithful to turn my tears of sadness into tears of joy.  While I was driving, crying because of how sad I was to leave, I took my heart and emotions and handed them over to God. Because I knew if I didn't surrender my heart to God, I wouldn't last this three months. When I allowed Him to come into the situation, He totally shifted my focus, and I went from being overwhelmed with sadness to being overwhelmed with joy. I was crying happy tears, overwhelmed with how blessed I am that God took me on this journey. It is such gift, and I absolutely love it. Even when it's hard or I miss my friends and family, this is such an amazing gift. 

          When I got into town last night, I went to church with my host family. They were having a time of prayer, and the head of each ministry would come up for a few minutes at a time to pray for their ministry. When the Outreach pastor got up, one of the things he said was, "If you keep your feet moving, your head will follow." That was something I so needed to hear. I knew I would never quit this trip, but I just didn't know if my heart would get back into it this time, because I felt like I left so much of myself at home. So him saying that just affirmed, that if you give your yes to God, if you go, no matter how hard it is to leave some things behind, God will be faithful to bless your yes. You won't stay sad, your heart will follow and your fears and worries will be left behind. And that has happened so much already. My heart is already catching up to my feet!

          Today was my first day going out to the city. To be honest, I wasn't feeling as excited as I usually do to go out. I was still feeling so sad to leave home that I feared that I might have lost my passion for this. But I knew, regardless of how I felt, that this was exactly where God wanted me and what He wants me to be doing. So I pushed past my feelings and gave my yes to God. And He is so faithful to bless when you give Him your yes!

           As I took the first few steps from my car, I was apprehensive as to how personable or receptive the people here would be. As I usually am, I was pleasantly surprised with so many amazing, sweet, beautiful people today. They were all so nice, so appreciative, so loving. God was just like, "See, Tori! You love this! I know you love this, it's why I brought you here! You have no need to worry. You didn't 'lose your passion.' You aren't going to be miserable doing the work I have for you. You love it, and you love these people." I lost sight of that while I was focusing on what I had left behind. But it didn't take long for my Dad to remind me.

          I'm so thankful to God for this journey. For these people. And I am so thankful that He gave me the boldness to say yes to Him, because I know that boldness didn't come from me. I am so thankful He gave me the boldness to follow through and not give up on this loop, even when I felt overwhelmed. And He's immediately shown me that if I say yes despite my feelings, He will give me unimaginable joy, passion, and love.

This is Rob! He was so sweet. His friend that was with him was named Stoney (he didn't want to be in a picture, so he took this one). Stoney was such a sweetheart and had such a father's heart. They told me about how there are a lot of young homeless people that they've taken under their wings. They both live in abandoned houses, but because that's illegal, they have to move around a lot. Meeting them was such a blessing!

This is me with Richard and Billy! They were the first people I met today. They were so funny and full of joy! And so appreciative of everything. I loved getting to talk to them! Richard is actually a Katrina survivor. He told me a lot about things that went on when Katrina hit and how bad it really was. It's so awesome to see how much he's been through, and continually goes through as a homeless man, yet he is still so full of joy. 

Billy's first Snuggie encounter! It was funny because Richard kept getting first dibs on all the stuff I gave them, and when I brought out the blankets, he called the blue one right away. They were saying how they both wanted the blue one, but once Billy unfolded it and realized it was a Snuggie, Richard started trying to trade!

These guys were awesome! This is Paul, Max, Shallon and I. They played music on the street, but Max sang and played while Shallon lifted him around with her feet. I know it sounds really awkward, but it was cool! The three of them live in their cars and make a living through their music. We bonded over our gypsyness haha!

This is one of the many positions they played in!

This is Vernon, another super joyful blessing of a man! He has a reputation for his funny signs and personality. People actually come out to the park to see him, and I can see why! He was so fun to hang out with!

        So my first day in New Orleans has been so amazing, such a blessing, and has totally brought me back fully into my passion for the homeless. Even when I was feeling sad, I knew I loved these guys, I knew that it's what I'm supposed to do, and I knew that I was going to keep doing it, but my heart wasn't fully in it because I felt like my heart was still at home. But now my heart is fully back in it, and I'm so grateful God blessed me with an amazing first day and didn't let me give up or stay in my sadness. He always turns my sadness, my weakness, into overflowing joy. In the middle of His will is where I want to stay! 

          

Catching Up

It's been a while since I've written, and I'm home for the holidays right now, but I just thought I should catch up on what's been going on since my last entry!
My last day in Denver was amazing! It was my most joyful day there, everyone was so open, receptive, and happy to talk.
These guys were amazing! The four of us prayed together, and it was so beautiful. It was such a powerful time of prayer, it's indescribable! It was so cool how tangible God's presence was in the middle of this park full of drugs and darkness. But our God is so much more powerful than any of that and He can shine in the darkest places.

After hanging out, handing out things, and saying my goodbyes, I was starting to leave the park. I was kind of sad because I hadn't seen Sham since my second day out, and he was such a joy to me that I wanted to get to say bye to him. But he wasn't in his usual spot and I didn't know where else to look, so I just decided to leave. I was about to be out of the park when I heard, "Bye, Tori!" I turned around and it was Sham! I was so excited! It was just the perfect end to the perfect day. I just love Sham! It made my day that I got to see him before I left, and I love that he called me out!

This is sweet Sham!

After my time in Denver, I got to go with a couple of friends to a four day conference in San Diego called School of Power and Love. The speakers were Dan Mohler, Todd White, and Tom Ruotolo. This conference was so amazing, if you ever get the opportunity to go, GO! Or just youtube Dan and Todd, they're so filled with God! The conference was all about knowing your identity in Christ and knowing that you're a son/daughter. It's not about works, it's all about knowing your Father and your intimacy with Him. The conference was so amazing. I got freedom there, I got to branch out, I witnessed miracles, heard amazing testimonies, and just got to know more of my Father's love. And it was so good to be in a room full of people just giving their all in worship to their Father. So amazing.
From there, I went to Omaha for Thanksgiving. Originally, I had planned on going out to the homeless while I was in Omaha, but I had a hard time finding anyone. Whether they just had a lot fewer, or if they were just all staying inside, I don't know. But my first day out, I only found two, and one that I talked to didn't want anything, and the other got on a bus before I could talk to him. The next day we walked around downtown as a family, and I didn't see anyone during that time. So I decided I would just spend the week spending time with my family, because my searches for homeless in Omaha weren't very fruitful, and I only see my family once a year.

It's also really cool how God's shown me that I don't need this work. I absolutely love it, don't get me wrong! But my worth to God doesn't depend on how many people I feed in a day. If he took this ministry away, I wouldn't be lost, because I have Him. He's all I need for significance. Being His daughter is all that matters. It's what's most important to him. Any ministry we are involved in should just be an overflow of our intimacy in Him. It should never replace it. We should never be defined by anything other than our adoption in Christ. That's so freeing!

After Omaha, I went to Chicago. My time in Chicago was cut short because I got really sick and came home  early. So now I am in Memphis for Christmas break! God is just continuing to show me things and draw me closer to Him. He's taught me so much through my time on LWAT, and He's teaching me still even as I'm home. It's just all about love. Without love, I am nothing. Without love, none of this matters. So just go love your Father and invite Him to open your eyes to deeper levels of love that are already yours through Christ. And love the person in front of you, no matter who it is. I hope everyone has an amazing Christmas! I can't wait to start back up the tour in January! God bless!

This ain't the Bible belt!

      My time in Denver so far has been different, but good! I've been volunteering at the Denver Rescue Mission serving lunch and helping in the kitchen. It's a really great Christ centered rescue mission! One of my first days going out on my own was tough. I went to a park that was pretty much a center for drug dealing. I've never been offered drugs so many times in a row in my life! That didn't really bother me, it was just a really dark area. When I started talking to people and giving them sandwiches, no body was interested in the Bible.  In every other city, when I offer people Bibles, their answer is either, "Yeah!" or "No, I already have one." So it was my first time encountering so people who weren't at all interested in the Bible and kind of seemed annoyed to be offered one. I didn't feel personally offended or rejected by that, but it was hard because it made me so sad to see people so shut off to God.  Here are some of the guys I met that day:

So the next day going out on my own after that started out really hard. Walking through the park, I felt so overwhelmed! I was in a park full of guys who had mostly been completely shut of to God or even receiving a Bible, and it was just a really spiritually dark place. So I walked through almost all of the park and I hadn't talked to anyone. I just felt so overwhelmed and intimidated and I felt like nobody would want me to talk to them. And then, once again, God made one of these precious people an angel on my path to keep me going. I had walked through almost the entire park, and then I saw Sham! I had met him the day before, and I just loved him! That day he had been the only bright spot in a dark day out. He pretty much stays to himself and doesn't like asking people for things. He had such a sweet, gentle spirit, and he let me into his little world a bit. I loved talking to Sham! So when I saw him right as I was about to just leave without talking to anyone, it completely turned my day around! When I see sweet, familiar faces out, it brings me such joy! It gives me a nudge to keep going. So I sat and talked with Sham for a while and God used him to completely revive my spirits and give me comfort and the courage to keep going. After I left Sham, I talked to every person I saw! God used him to totally change my attitude from one of intimidation to loving boldness! I talked to and fed and gave some clothes to everyone after him! And after that, nearly every person that I offered a Bible to wanted one! It was so amazing, and if God hadn't sent me Sham to flip my day around, I might have left the park without talking to or helping any of these people and they wouldn't have gotten Bibles. I'm just so thankful for the way that God can turn a day around. He can take us when we're overwhelmed, weak, and scared and use us to shine light in a dark area. And I love that he uses these precious children that are looked down upon by society and he uses them to minister to me more than a suited up ordained minister. Because I get to look into their eyes and see Jesus. If you read Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus says, "I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."  I wrote in my Bible next to this passage, "If you want to hang out with Jesus, go hang out with the least of these, look into their eyes, and see Him." And it's so true. If you feel distant from Jesus, go hang out with the poor and the needy. If you want to be more like Jesus, care about what He cares about. He cares about the poor, the orphans, the widows, the outcasts, the prostitutes, the liars, the alcoholics, the people in the streets, the people begging that might use the money you give them for food to buy drugs instead. God loves them! And He tells us to take care of them.
         And I promise you, you'll never miss a cent or a jacket or a minute that you give away to the financially poor or poor in spirit. Being able to pour blessings on people and see it totally change their demeanor is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I got to see this beautiful change in sweet Barbara the other day! She was sitting on a park bench and the only jacket she had was a really light windbreaker, and it's really cold, so she was shivering. I talked to her and gave her some jackets, socks, gloves, a hat, a scarf, a blanket (once again, I really cannot thank people who donate enough), some food and water, and I wrote down the name of some shelters for her to try. I just talked to her for while. She was so sweet, and it was amazing to see her change from a shivering woman with her head hanging down to a woman with a bright smile who would look into your eyes. And this change was caused by something so simple. And really, I think what blessed her most was when I hugged her. It was so sweet, it made her giggle! What blesses people most is love! Even if you don't have any money, food, or clothes to give to people, you can always give them your time, love, and a hug. Trust me, you'll be just as blessed if not way more! God loves these precious babies! And I am so beyond grateful that He has shared them with me. I'm so glad He gave me this wonderful gift of a job. It isn't a duty, it isn't a burden, it isn't a sacrifice. It's a beautiful, precious gift. I'm in love with my Papa and I'm in love with these people. Little ol' me gets the gift of all these beautiful babies. I really couldn't be happier. There's nothing else I'd rather be doing. And He wants to give this gift to you, you just have to open up to receive it! He invites all of His children to be a part of the gift the nonstop cycle of receiving and pouring out love. "Sacrifice" is the most fulfilling gift you could ever receive. 

God Knows

        I'm now in Denver! I didn't write much while I was in Kansas City, but my time there was such a blessing!
        The organization that I worked at in Kansas City was Hope Faith. I worked in the laundry room my first day and in the kitchen the rest. When I wasn't there, I was either downtown looking for people to talk to and take care of or at International House of Prayer. I went to IHOP almost every day, usually after the sun was setting and it was too dark to go out. My time there was so good for my soul!
         Even though I loved my time in Kansas City, it was there that I had my first really hard day. I didn't really want to write about it because it really hurts my heart, but it is a reality for some of the homeless people. One day while I was driving around downtown looking for people, I saw a guy with plastic grocery bags wrapped around his feet. I stopped and went up to him and asked what size shoes he wears. It was kind of hard to understand him because he didn't speak well and what he said was hardly audible. I started asking him what all he needed, and he would respond to most things, but he wouldn't tell me his name. It was sad to me that he wouldn't tell me his name, but I thought maybe he just had his guard up because some strange girl he'd never met before was coming up to him and just giving him a bunch of stuff and asking him questions. I figured he would warm up to me after a few minutes and tell me his name. So I got him some food to eat while I looked in my car for shoes that would fit him. I didn't have his size, so I asked him what kind he would want so that I could go buy him a pair. He asked for a pen so that he could write down what he wanted. While I was driving to get his shoes, I was just thinking about how sad it is that he lives in a city full of people that pass by him every day, yet he was walking around with plastic bags on his feet. That just blew my mind. It took me a while to find a shoe store, but I eventually did and I picked out some black tennis shoes that I thought were really nice and would look cool, yet give enough support for all the walking that this man does. When I got back him I pulled the shoes out for him, and honestly I was kind of expecting a good response. Maybe happiness, excitement, gratitude. At least something positive. But when I gave them to him, he didn't give any kind of reaction, he just kind of nodded. So I kind of just said my goodbyes (we couldn't really talk much because I couldn't understand most of what he said), and started walking to my car. Before I got in my car he came over to me and asked me if I could return the shoes. The shoes fit the description of what he asked for (black boots or tennis shoes), so I asked if they didn't fit well. But he said he wanted boots instead. That part of the story really makes me laugh, because I thought, "Sure, I'll go get you boots...but why did you write down tennis shoes if you really didn't want them?" Haha. So I went back to the shoe store and got him some sturdy black boots and prayed that he would like those because it was starting to get dark. When I got back to him, I showed him the shoes and asked if he liked them. He nodded his head and he started packing the shoes away. I kind of wondered why he wasn't putting them on. I asked him if he wanted to try them on before I left to make sure they were the right size, so if they didn't fit well I could take them back, but he said they were fine. I tried to talk to him for a bit longer, then I said my goodbyes and went to my car. I couldn't leave, I just sat there and sobbed. I was talking to God and all I could say was, "He needs more than just shoes!" This guy was so sad! He could barely speak, he had grocery bags to keep what you could barely call a shoe on his feet, and he wouldn't tell me his name. It was just so sad. And I thought, "Whoopie. I gave him shoes. Now he's a sad, lost homeless guy that has a new pair of shoes." I felt so useless. A pair of shoes is helpful, but it doesn't change his life or his circumstances. It might make him happy, but it doesn't change his heart. It didn't even really change this guy's demeanor. I gave him a Bible and told him about Jesus' love for him, but he wasn't very responsive. I just felt like I did absolutely nothing for this man. I still was sitting in my car, and he came up and knocked on my window. I rolled it down and he asked me if I could help him get to the hospital. He needed some money for a bus ride to the hospital. I said yeah, and asked how much. He said $1.50. As I was looking for the money in my purse, I asked him what was wrong and why he needed to go to the hospital. He told me he had to go to the hospital to change his shoes. When he took off the old ones, they wouldn't come off clean, so it had to be done at a hospital. My heart just broke even more. Then as I was giving him the money, I found four quarters first, then I gave him a dollar bill. He tried to give me back the two quarters, which shocked me. I told him it was fine, he could keep the quarters, I wanted him to. But he refused to take any extra money than what he needed for the bus. He wouldn't even take fifty extra cents. He tapped my car and said thanks, and he walked off. That just killed me. A man with bags on his feet that wouldn't even tell me his name or take two extra quarters, when usually homeless people will take as much money as you offer and some even ask for more.
        That was the first completely heartbreaking homeless reality encounter I've had. And it was truly heartbreaking. I did all that I knew how to do, though. At first it made me kind of afraid to go out again. Because that was so hard. But I can't let how hard it is keep me from trying to help these guys. I was so sad. The next day, I was scared when I first headed out on my own. But the first person I found was sweet Eric! The people that I find when I'm sad, and they turn it around and bring me joy in the midst of this sometimes really emotionally hard journey, those people always hold a really special place in my heart. Ray was one of these people in Nashville when I sat with him and he brought me comfort after I was so upset about sweet Denise sleeping in a  park. Teddy was this person in Atlanta when I was so upset about Mike, one of the guys who had some mental/spiritual issues. And Eric was this guy in Kansas City, who cheered me up after being so torn up over the guy without shoes. It's funny, because these people don't really do anything to comfort me. They're just there when I'm sad and they make me feel better. It's like being with them says to me, "It's ok. Some of us are alright, and we'll help you get through the hard ones." So when I call them friends, it's not just something I say. While I'm in the cities, these are the guys I hang out with. These are the guys that I'm excited to go out and see. These are the guys that cheer me up. So I was so excited to see Eric. For some reason, I just loved him! He melted my heart! For the group that he hung out with, he was kind of the baby of the group. He was a bad alcoholic, so Eric always had to be taken care of. Also, in his family, he was the youngest and came twenty years after his brothers and sisters, so he's kind of been the baby his whole life. And I just loved him. His story of alcoholism is really sad, though. Both his parents were alcoholics, but he didn't really look to drink on his own. He was a really good drummer, and in a band with older people when he was about fourteen. The older band members would ask him where his cup was and ask him what was in it. He'd tell them where it was and that he had coke or something in it, and they'd take it and put alcohol in it and tell him to drink it. He said it was just downhill from there. It's just sad how innocent a fourteen year old is, and he was just interested in the music. But that influenced his entire life path.  Eric was so sweet, I was always so excited to see him!
Here's me and Eric with his new glasses!